whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
