I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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