this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
