you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
