So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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