I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
