i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
