All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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