on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
