i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
