Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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