I cut my penus on the lid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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