You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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