I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you never un-have a 4some
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
