im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
