Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
