He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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