I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
