I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
