Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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