sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
