can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
