If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
