so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
