one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
