Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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