Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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