Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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