This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
