last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
