No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
