I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
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just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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