he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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