foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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