I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
