WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
