i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
