Having a random hookup so left but love u
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
