just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
