Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
