Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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