You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize