drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
