I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
