One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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