Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
