I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
