38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
