Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
