I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
