he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
