just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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