I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
