$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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