If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
