I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
