I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
