It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
