And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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