Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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