If i come over, it means nothing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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