so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize