He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
