I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
