You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
