well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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