Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
