Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize