On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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