one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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